Oh me. Oh my.
I've lost sight of what it is to really write without worrying about what others will think when they read it. I had been posting my blogs on myspace for a year or so, but I think to get back to the raw emotion, I need to be back on blogger.It's good to be back!
On that note,
I start school on Thursday, and I could not be more excited. Not necessarily to learn, but to finish so that I can get the hell out of Hoover, Alabama and back to my home in Oklahoma.
Speaking of home, it's funny how the definition of that changes with time.
Even the places I had come to be so passionate about somehow now pale in the light of others.
I am also dealing with the fact that I am no good with relationships.
Okay with friendships, not so good with romanticism.
Here's the pattern:
- They chase after me.
- I'm not that into it.
- I stick around anyway.
- I mess up [i.e. cheating, being hateful, etc.]
- I leave them.
- I realize my mistake.
- I come back to them.
- They take me back.
- They leave me once I have developed genuine feelings for them
- Then six or so months of stringing along and back and forths.
I find myself in a very difficult position right now because even though I have been here in Alabama with my family for nearly 6 months, I don't feel that I've made any progress in the way I treat people, the mistakes I've made, or the way I feel about myself.
And now that I'm twenty one, I've really been hitting the bars hard lately.
I just seem to make a fool of myself every single time I drink.
It's funny, I was reading some old posts on here from years ago when someone called me an alcoholic or something of the sort....and at the time I wasn't.
It angers me to think of how far I've fallen in that aspect.
I suppose I'll have a cigarette. Gaze into the infinite abyss of loneliness and foliage.
posted by Unknown @ 11:11 AM
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