"Narc"
I must be exhausting to be you.
Playing and setting up everything just right
to make yourself
look like the best.Pictures posted of you swimming in breasts and good looks 'cross roomslike you do so well.
this is the point in the mischief where I tell you I hate the taste of you,
the straight-up egotistical mindblowing lie that is your life.
So here I am again, dwelling on a photograph or some silly remark traded back and forth. Meaning, simply signifying nothing but the already apparent fact that one day you'll fall.
I can hear it calling me back home...
Just got back to the city. This place is dead, man.
I have to get out for good this time. I have to leave.
Day Two:
Sitting on a rooftop with a laptop.
Smoking a ciggarette and last night it rained.
Tonight's a dance. I guess every night is.
"we are nowhere and it's now"
Running out of nicatine like time and love.
A letter home telling how I feel and felt.
I hope
[i don't think] you'll read it.
I miss my friends.
There's a fly in my tea. I think about drinking it anyway to feel something real in me but instead I set it free.
Until tomorrow.
Le Deteriorating Bree
And you said: this is the first day of my life
Day One
Running away doesn't seem to solve anything but I admit being in a different town, a whole new city is enlightening. Friends want me to stay here indefinately. Now that I'm thinking about it, the only thing I would be leaving behind is regret and the Boy Who Made Me Cry. Granted, I'd miss friends but it's not that far away. An hour or so. I'm listening to Bright Eyes and thinking of him which means I should end this. Until tomorrow.
Le Deteriorating Bree
I love living in the city..
I don't even feel like I'm alive.
And not really because of any other person but myself.
Putting my whole heart into something...
someone, be it a boy, a friend, fucking music whatever..
apparently that's not the way to live but then again what is?
Coldheartedly walking around pissing on everyone's emotions but my own?
Surely not, surely not.
But I have come to the conclusion that you have to hurt to not get hurt.
There isn't a karma, no god, that's just the way it is.
We're all just walking around with no connection to eachother what-so-ever
except that we all have the ability to feel and neglect that ability to the full extent because, hey man.
Who likes to feel anyway?
...
Your facination with naked walls of silk and skin with no conditions I needed you to notice....that's all I wanted
[don't cry out. cease fire.]
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1
Heard a rumor you were in love.//that's what they tell me too.
perhaps we're all looking for a little love[ing.]but what I need from you is real.
Here's when you figure out who you are...
What is it like when you realize everyone who knows you hates to love you and visa versa?
Do you cry about it drunk and alone in your ex boyfriends house? No.
Do you giggle about it with your friends at strategic sleepovers when really you're just looking for that sympathy?
I hate seeing you cry yet I push and pry until you do it's like this sick satisfaction I get to see you so wrapped up.
And seeing you drunk makes me want to puke because you tell me everything you feel about me and "how I am". I thought you forgot who/(mixit) I am, you have me all figured out...{is that what you want?} or, wait...{is this it?} You're so confused, you poor little boy. I want to see you SICK.
I want to see you gagging at the thought of what we could have been but you'll never have it.
That's me.
Welcome to the l[ove]ife of Bree.
You're here you're bathing in it swimming in bad looks turned to sex and you like when I hurt you.
OH..
and I've decided that it's much more fun without you
Nothing daring would she miss a job that sexxuuuaaal
A lot of confusion lately. Just need a
good lay.
Drinking only brings it out,
I swear I hate you when I'm sober.
