fucking liar
I try not to get so upset,
but god damn it I was right.
You lied and lied and lied.
And you know what? YOU USE PEOPLE.
You just couldn't wait to jump into that girl's pants
with her fake tits and bmw she earned stripping nonetheless.
I hope you fucking choke. I really do.
just watched the notebook
I miss my boy.
You knew I would go to him, didn't you?
You said I would.
I wonder why.
Perhaps you think me materialistic.
Or maybe you saw something between he and I that I didn't see yet.
I remember the last time we all three were in a room together.
It was late. After work. At his house. I was drunk.
I thought I played it so cool.
When you and I left to go home, you told me that you felt like the odd man out.
That you could cut the tension with a knife.
That it was clear that he and I were going to be together.
For all your faults, you sure are a perceptive bastard aren't you?
And really, the fact that you didn't leave me for it was an obvious sign that you never loved me.
And quite possibly, I was a little blinded by certain vices and I did not love you either.
In all seriousness, I hope that you get off the shit and do what it is that you're supposed to do.
Of all the boys and men I've dated, you are the closest to that goal you all shared.
The music.
I think you should put the junk away, be alone for a while and g e t otarav e r h e r ."A woman knows when a man looks into her eyes and sees someone else."
say: "I love you so much you must kill me now...."
So...quite a few things have changed in the past six measly months.
I am back in Alabama which is more boring and pain-staking that you can imagine.
At least it is summer and the sun is shining.
I picked up a few new vices back in the good ole OKC...
Nothing I'm too proud of but basically, a sharp, skin penetrating little habit and [of course] the newest addition to the dense, vapid collection of now shitty "I'm gonna be a rockstar" boyfriends.
Good things about Birmingham [trying to be positive this time...]
- Beautiful scenery
- Cable!
- Clean living environment
- Money
- Going back to school to get a "real job"
- Being close to my familia
Sure, there are a few minor pitfalls, mostly I miss my friends, but the ones that are really friends will surely come visit [as will I] so the time should hopefully fly.
I wrote some things while I was with boyfriend No. 347 that I'd like to share.
We'll call him "Darrell the Dope Fiend" :)
[just for fun, of course, not to imply by any means that he is addicted to....oh, I don't know, a well known form of opiate commonly injected directly into the vein...]At any rate.....let's continue:You've taken away my security.I'm no longer safe in front of a mirror.Emily. Tara. Stephanie. Audrey. Whitney.See a pattern anywhere?Deception isn't brutal, the truth is.Lies aren't spun in webs,but in cell phones and bed sheets.You're my car crash, my train wreck[and I can't stop looking...]I stay out all night because I cannot stand to look at you,knowing about your secret life and how I long to beas important to you as ____________.*[*Whomever this week's "thrill" happens to be.]I smoke myself to sleepbecause I've grown cynical of my own tears because well, let's face it,I put myself through this.....Selling my soul [AT COST!]for a warm body to lie next to.You seem to find common ground in everyone but me,So then, I ask:WHY DO YOU STAY?Is it merely some faux sense of obligation toward messy-ole-me?Is it the car?A similar longing to mine, a warm, comfortable bed-fellow?Whatever the case,it is rapidly more and more becoming "shit or get off the pot" time.Except "shit" means "leave the man you adore"which, as a matter of fact,is remarkably more difficult that passing a bowel movement,leading me to believe that the whack-job that the aforementioned phraseis accredited to had clearly never been in love.That's about the jist of what I've gone thru the past 6 months.
Shameful, I know.
Alas, one must hold one's head high,
accept the trials dealt to her,
and walk on feeling empowered and further educated on the lessons of love.
